The Return Home

I have found it hard to concentrate on much else, until I write exactly what has been going on. I haven’t posted anything really about returning home for Yap, for one reason alone: every time I start to write a blog about it, or every time I sit down and try and express what I have been feeling I can’t. No words seem to justify the feelings that are going on. But just as a disclaimer: I would NOT trade my year away on Yap for anything. But I need to get this out, get off my chest.

It’s no lie when they say it will be hard coming back. Coming back to America I can’t describe as culture shock, simply because this is my culture. I know what goes on here, it’s not like I am being immersed in a new culture for the first time, but rather I see all the imperfections of the culture. When I landed in Detroit, I was so excited to be home, to be somewhere that was familiar and safe, somewhere I could recover from the sickness I had been dealing with for 4 months. The feeling of seeing your family, and being back somewhere you have lived for your whole life, is an amazing feeling. But that wore off.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s still nice to be home. It’s still wonderful to have my family within driving distance and know that I have immediate medical care right around the corner, or know that I can go get something at the store anytime day or night, or go walk around all by myself and not really worry about what is going to happen to me. It’s nice. But somewhere along the line, people forget that you have come back. People forget that you have left a piece of your heart somewhere, somewhere your heart still longs to be, somewhere you have come to love. People think that it’s easy to come back, it’s not.

The past month has been extremely hard for me. I have suffered from extreme guilt, where once I was so busy and so involved in everything and now when I sit down and relax I feel things extreme guilt that I should be doing something productive all the time. So I try and keep myself busy, but there are sometimes where there is literally nothing you can do, and the guilt weighs done on you like a black cloud bringing a storm, and on top of that depression. A depression where I have no idea where it is coming from. I have no explanation for why it’s there, and people ask me if I am ok, and I say I’m fine, because I have no idea how to describe what I am feeling. And I can’t expect people to know.

I feel lonely, yet am surrounded by hundreds of people.

You’ve heard the expression “Everyone has a God sized hole in their hearts.” Well I believe after being immersed in service that the God sized hole gets bigger. And I didn’t know what to do with it. I tried to fill it with things, but didn’t realize until lately that it needed to be filled with God. I have no opportunities for the grandeur service that I am used to, while taking classes. But I do know that right now, in this time in my life, God is not calling me to be in a huge mission field, but is calling me to be a missionary in my sphere of influence, to touch the lives that are around me. Although this is huge transition, I am trust that God is going to take care of me.

I’m not saying all this for sympathy and love. I simply am getting these feelings out there so that you can be praying for us, returning missionaries. It’s not easy!  These feelings are overwhelming sometimes. Some days it’s all you can do to hold it together. Pray for us.

I’m still learning, I will never stop! But I know one thing; God has big plans for my life. This season that I’m going through now, I have no idea if it will end, right now, there is no end in sight. Part of my heart is in Yap, it will always be. But I know that God called me there, and He will help me get through these feelings as well.

I still don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I hope you get at least a glimpse of something that really can’t be explained. I’m changed. I see the world differently. Things that were once important to me, aren’t anymore.

Pray. Please pray.

Here is a song I wrote write before I left Yap. I was feeling homesick, but also realized that I would be homesick for Yap when I left as well.

Misplaced

Home is calling my heart

I’m falling apart

To see the loved ones I know

I just want to go

But I’m to far away

So I will just stay

But I miss you

I miss everything

And I love you

With every song that I sing

And I will be home

Where my heart belongs

But I will be forever misplaced

‘Cuz I'll be leaving my heart in this place.

He is calling my heart I’m torn apart

He looked inside me

When He died on that tree

But He left us today

But not to stay

And I miss you

I miss everything

And I love you

With every song that I sing

And I will be home where my heart belongs

But I will be forever misplaced

‘Cuz I’ll be leaving my heart in this place.

Soon home will be in our hearts and hands

Together we will work for that day, when He will say

I’ve missed you

I’ve missed everything
and I love you,

With every song that I sing

And you are home

Where your heart belongs

And you don’t have to feel misplaced

‘Cuz you can leave your heart in this place

I long for Heaven where everybody form every place I love is there. No more separation. Where my heart can finally be home.

Here is me singing the song, not the best quality because it was recorded on my iPhone. 

https://soundcloud.com/andrea-szynkowski/misplaced-1 

Guam

April 19, 2014

Toilet Paper Dispensers, Hot water, AC, and a Toilet that flushes on the first try.

GUAM!!!

Although it isn’t under super good circumstances that I am here, I am still enjoying the relaxing time. I landed in Guam at 5:30ish, got out of security and all and found Mrs. Quale around 6:00ish… Anyways it was nice to crawl into bed after being up for about 24 hours.

The hospitality is always welcoming here. I was amazed when I woke up to find out that I didn’t have to wait for the toilet to flush… It flushed on the first time… I miss that. I was trying to find the toilet paper, it wasn’t on the back of the toilet, and they have this thing that dispenses it. I had to laugh at myself when I realized that. I aslo took a hot shower which I guess I didn’t remember how good that felt.

I got to eat all kinds of fruit, blueberries, oranges, grapes, bananas, they feed me so well. That night we ate burgers, with fresh tomatoes. I didn’t realize how much I really miss fresh foods. They gave me this thing called a napkin… I didn’t know what to do with it. J

April 20, 2014

I am so thankful for my parents. They are amazing, godly people that would do anything for me. They spent late nights up trying to get everything for me to be able to see a dentist. They made phone calls after phone call to make sure that everything was in order. I am so thankful for them. Anyways, I went in today to have my tooth checked.

They didn’t think that they could do the procedure that they needed or wanted to do, and the dentist was about ready to send me out of the office with just another antibiotic. I told him that I was already on one, and that it really hasn’t been helping. Looking at the X-Ray he saw that the decay was almost all the way to the bone, and said that the infection I have was in my bone. But I told him that I was in a lot of pain and that I needed help. He asked his assistant to look at his schedule for today, and to his surprise saw that his appointment right after me had canceled. This meant that he had time to do the procedure.

Although it was a long procedure and it hurt horribly, I am so thankful that God got me there, and that I am on my way to recovering.

April 21, 2014

Today is my last day on Guam. I am sad and excited to get back to my students.

I walked into a K-Mart today and had to take a moment. It was huge, and I was a little bit shocked. But I soon passed.

The Quailes took me out to eat tonight, which was so kind of them.

When I got to the airport, we heard on the overhead speaker announcing that my already late flight would be delayed even longer. So they asked me if they wanted them to bring me back to the house, and I said it was ok that I would just go through security and wait and read my book or something.

So I went inside, and went through security, and sat down. A little while later a Yapese man came and sat beside me, and was talking with me. We talked about the school here, and what we teach, and then later on he told me that he was one of the senators on Yap. He then keep calling people over to meet me, and they would then talk to me about the school and such. It was a neat experience.

When I got on the plane I sat down by the man who actually owns the land that the school is on. He is a back- sliding SDA who realized that he didn’t help the school nearly as much as he should have the past few years, but wants to know. He has been living on the mainland. I got the opportunity to talk with him about the power of prayer, and how God has a plan for our lives, and it was amazing to have that opportunity. He then gave up his window seat so that I could rest, and then came back after we landed to make sure that I was ok, and help me with my bags. He stayed with me until I got my luggage, and carried it for me. It was so good to know that God was leading and that the conversations and the people he places in our paths are opportunities to shine His light to them. I hope that I never forget that and can speak with boldness to everyone I meet. I am so thankful to God for giving me these opportunities. 

Feb 23, 2014

I have not written lately, mainly because I felt there was nothing to write about. I have been sick for about 3 months now, and if has been rough. I have felt down, and I know that the Devil was trying to attack.

Last weekend, was a hard weekend, and I know that the Devil was trying to discourage. This Sabbath/ weekend have been the best by far since I have been here. We got to church and no one of leadership positions were there. The person that was supposed to preach was off island, and everyone else was at other locations worshiping God. So there were 9 of us SM’s there that ended up leading all of Sabbath School and all of church. There was no one to preach the sermon so three of us ladies took the Bible text, “be ready in season and out of season…” We all came up with about a 10 minute short sermonette, and shared. The Sabbath school lesson no one was there for either, so Sarah and I combined all of the Sabbath schools together and did the one we had planned for the youth. We did everything, but it was such a blessing. At the beginning of the year if something like that would have happened, I might have been a little upset, but it just took faith in God, and it was like, “Oh, there is no one to preach this morning, I’ll do it.”

I was blessed by the willingness of the SM’s to step up and help out too. The atmosphere in the church was amazing. All the youth, who are usually playing on their phones or outside on the porch, were listening intently. During prayer request time, which no one ever speaks in, one person spoke up and said that he was thankful that we opened up the Bible and studied. I know that God was in that Church and it was such a blessing to see. The numbers of attendance at church have been dwindling for varies reasons, and there are usually only 20 people there in attendance, but yesterday we started with about 20, but by the end of church there were 50 people. Some of whom we had never seen before. God still does work miracles today. At the end of church people were coming up saying thank you for blessing us. God is so good! I serve a mighty God.

Also on the car ride to church I was just talking to God and asking him to bless us and be with us. I also asked him to help Kyle be there. I hadn’t invited him, but I was still praying that he would show up. When we drove up no one was there, but we walked inside and there was Kyle sitting in the back of the church. God brought to mind, “before they call, I will answer.” What a mighty God I serve.

During Sabbath school we were talking about Paul and Silas in prison. Their story started when they healed a demon- possessed girl and because of that were thrown into jail. While in jail they were praising and singing to God. As a result of them being in jail the jail-keeper was saved. As a result of Paul and Silas healing a girl the jail keeper was saved and his whole family. The amazing thing I got from that is that God has everything planned out. He knows the end from the beginning and he has things under control. The demon possessed girl probably had no idea that because of her a whole family would be saved, and it probably didn’t make sense to Paul or Silas either.

Our lives are a story God is writing, and in the middle of the chapter you are in now, it may not make sense why things are happening the way they are, but at the end of the chapter we can look back and see how God was leading, and why everything had to happen the way it did. We have to wait for the end of the chapter.

After Church we came home, and went on a hike with some of the youth. We went to the Canyon we have here and hiked down in it, and explored. Kyle was also here for this, we came back and then had a youth activity. Playing Games and capture the flag. All super fun.

Today, since it is my brother’s birthday 5 of us went to the beach to celebrate! Lol Actually not really, but still it was the thought that counts. But no honestly today we thought that two of our SM’s drowned, we couldn’t find them for 40 minutes which was scary, but they are ok, and God helped me drive a big Manuel van. J

This weekend has been just what I needed, and God keeps proving to me that he cares about his children. He will take care of them and provide for them.

I am revived for a new week and I am ready to go.

Please keep praying for us!

3 weeks until my mom will be here to visit.

3 months until I go home!

Where has the time gone?

Prayer

I have not written a blog in forever, and for that I am truly sorry! My whole time here has been a blur. It’s crazy how fast things have gone, and reality hitting that I only have 4 more months here before I am flying back home.

Today, during class when my kids discovered that 4 months left of school also meant 4 more months with me, the classroom turned from excitement into pleas that I stay next year. I truly love those kids so much, and reality has hit that soon I will have to say goodbye to them and that breaks my heart.

I have learned so much in my time here. The Lord is teaching me so much, but it’s all good because I need to learn every single lesson that He is trying to teach me.

I the tropical weather and me don’t go well together. Something in the air likes to make me sick, whether it be a mosquito or I wake up one morning with boils on me. Either way, I have been fighting being sick here for a while. I pray though that I will remain healthy.

So I have some exciting news. One of my students’, Kyle, has been coming to church consistently, and has been enjoying being there. He also started Bible studies today! I am so excited to see God working in His life, and I pray that God will do the same for the others in my class.

I no longer have 13 students, but now I have 14. A 5^th grader transferred up to 6^th grade semester time. I was concerned at how much I would have to work with her to get her up to where she needed to be, but she fit right in and is the brightest kid I know. She hasn’t asked any questions and is still getting A’s on her assignments. She picks up concepts so quickly and is super smart.

I am enjoying learning more about the culture here, and listening to my students.

I love that my students love to have fun, and will let me join them in their fun. They will always let me play basketball with them, or whatever they are doing they want me to join in.

I wish I could make all of you understand how special this place is to me. I know when I leave I will be leaving my heart behind. I was talking with my fellow SM’s and we were talking about how our students would be well taken care of all the way and even after they graduated. My first class ever will hold a special place in my heart.

I don’t really know what else I can tell you. Nothing super exciting has happened to me lately. I know this is short but I will try and be more consistent about uploading more posts.

Please keep praying for our school. This month has been a tough one for me, but God has helped me every step of the way.

And please as always pray for my students. 

A talk I did for Vespers

It’s a New Year and with New Year comes what we call New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions to change something in our lives to better ourselves. Never have I heard a New Year’s resolution that is bad, it’s usually something good that you want to implement in your life. You don’t hear someone saying “Oh, this new year I’m going to try and get drunk more. “ or “This new year I’m going to try and kill someone.” That is just unheard of.  Instead you hear people say, “I’m going to try and eat more healthy.” Or “I’m going to manage my money better.”

A Resolution is “a firm decision to do or not to do something.” Also a little down the page in the dictionary as a synonym it says courage. Courage to change. Courage to be different, to make a stand to try something different with your life.

With the New Year that is upon us, I think of a new start. A time to start over fresh, and as a Christian what better way to try and renew my relationship with God.  To start over, to make a change to try and draw closer to God. 

Ezekiel 36: 26 – “

God likes new things. Especially new Hearts that love the lord with an unfailing undying love. 

Lamentations 3:21-23 “This I recall to my mind. Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning Great is Your faithfulness.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 – “This means that anyone who is in Christ is a new Person.

The Old is gone my friends, you have accepted God, and maybe you haven’t accepted God. We all have sinned, and will continue to sin until Jesus comes and takes us to our new home without sin. In Revelation 21:5 it says about Jesus 2^nd coming, “Behold, I make all things new.”

God wants to make you new. He wants to take that stoney heart out of you and give you a heart that beats with Him. That beats with his love, a heart of flesh. I think the best New Years Resolution would be to give God your heart 100%, no holding anything back. The things you do in the secret God sees. He knows your sins. He knows if your heart is devoted to Him.

Jesus gave his life for you, despite the sinful human beings we are. He looked at you, and said, “I love you too much to not try and save you.”

A Mother and a teenage girl got into an agreement and as the teenage girl stormed out of the room she yelled at her mom, “Your hands, and face are ugly. That’s why you hate me!” The mother sat down in tears and looked at her hands, they were scarred, and yes, they were very ugly.

The mother composed herself and walked into her daughter’s room to find her daughter still upset. She sat down on her daughter’s bed and looked at her wall. The mother began with a story.

Once upon a time there was a mother with a little baby. It was a beautiful baby girl. With bright blue eyes, and a smile that would melt your heart. One day, the baby girl was napping so the mother decided to go over to her neighbor’s house down the street. She sat down with her neighbor, and talked about everything. But about 20 minutes into their talking she heard a siren going down the road. She looked out the window and saw a fire truck going down their road, again 5 minutes later she heard another one go down their road, and they didn’t stop. The mother then began to worry, and when outside. When she walked outside she became paralyzed. The sirens were at her house that was now engulfed with flames. The mother ran to her home, where the fire fighters had just begun to try and put the flames out. She ran right past them and into the house. She could barely see from all the smoke, but she ran down the fire filled hallway to her baby’s room. She reached the door and opened it, and ran to the crib. She picked up her baby, and covered her with the bottom of her shirt. She ran back through the fire again and collapsed outside. She looked at her baby, still peacefully sleeping. Then she looked down at her hands. They were burned badly. She felt a stabbing pain on her face as she realized that her face was charred too.  

The story ended and with tears in the mother’s eyes as she looked at her teenage daughter, and said, “I would have done it again. I would have saved you! Because I love you!”

The daughter looked at her mom and with tears in her eyes said, “Mom, you have the most beautiful hands I have ever seen!”

Friends, Someone a long long time ago came to this earth to save us. He died a gruesome death on a cross to save us, to make us new. He didn’t have to come, but He loved us so much that He would have done it again, just to know that we are safe. And my friends I would like to say that he has the most beautiful hands, because they were scarred for you. They were scarred for you, to save you!

Give your whole life to him. Resolve this New Year to give God your best.

What things are holding you back from a full relationship with God? What things do you need to give up? Is there something that is holding you back? My friend God has already died for you, he died for the sins you are harboring even now. God wants to make you new. He wants to give you a new heart.

We have a cross. Symbolizing where Jesus made the first step in making you new. The 2^nd step is up to you. All you have to do is accept the gift He is already offering.

Tonight, I want you to think of the things you want to give up for God, to become a new you. I want you to ask God what you need to give up. Ask him what is keeping you from total surrender. And as you are doing this, I would like you to come up to the front and take a sheet of paper write on it the things you are going to surrender to God. And when you are done, I invite you to come up and nail it to the cross. God has already died for it, put it where it belongs, come lay it down at the foot of the cross. What you write down will be between you and God. No one will read them. After you are done nailing it to the cross, find a quiet place where you can talk personally with God. Tell him that you want to become new.

Will you stand with me and be men and women of courage and integrity. Will you look your sin boldly in the face and tell it that God has died for it, and that you will give it to him.

I resolve this year to become a new creation. I resolve to give God everything to hold nothing back.

How about you? What is your choice?

Please come up and show the world that you will live for God. Nail your sin to the cross. 

December

So, this past week has been a blur. I don’t know whether it was good or not, but I am now seeing more and more of how God gives strength to them that are weary.

We had week of Prayer this past week, and it was good. I had a lot of responsibility as I am the one who plans the schedule for week of prayer. I know that God is using everything to His glory but sometimes I feel that I am not doing enough for God. I simply trusted God this past week and that got me through.

I am so thankful that God took care of me, as I was pretty sick this last week. I went to the doctor with every lymph node in my body swollen and hurting. The doctor said that my throat was swollen almost shut. I also had an ear infection, and a fever. But God is good and provided that someone could take over my class. I am feeling better now though.

This week is final’s week, and so it is busy with reviewing my students and making sure that they are understanding everything.  I found beetlnut in the bathroom today and we had to do a search of middle school. I told my kids that if they ever brought anything to school they would hurt me because I would have to get them in trouble. I hope that this makes them more conscience of their actions and how they affect others. I am very happy and proud to say that I didn’t find anything on them.

I am also very excited because we got Taco Bell this weekend. I was so excited when our principal came back from Guam and he brought us Taco Bell. That was super exciting. The SM’s ate them that same night. But they were delicious. 

Weary Soul

So after a rough month, things are finally starting to look up. And so thus the blog post. I actually have time to sit down, and write one now, which is a forgien concept.

Injuries

So now that my infected cockroach bite is fully healed, I can celebrate and be reminded of the great struggle, by the beautiful scare that was left behind. But now I have more battle wounds.

After a successful Kirstin Memorial Day, the Freshman class went out to Manta Ray, which is a ship that has been turned into a restaurant. There we ordered pizza, and after consuming our pizza we jumped off the lowest deck of the boat. (For all of you reading this and knowing what it is, yes, I have also jumped off the top deck as well!) We jumped off once, and then jumped off the dock that was a little way away from the boat. The boys were pushing each other in, and Sarah, another teacher here that teaches high school, and I decided to sit down so that we would not get pushed in as well.

We had to leave so we finally stood up and started to say goodbye, 2 of the boys decided they didn’t want us to go so they pushed us in. The one who pushed me didn’t push me far enough though so my knee scrapped on the dock, and I ended up with a pretty nice gash out of my knee. Now you know my success with infections, so sure enough it got infected, and that was a chore to get back to normal, but we finally did, and I didn’t have to go to the hospital for meds.

Besides that, no major injuries have come upon me. J

Anyways, I am doing well. In all honesty, I didn’t really know how I was going to make it through after the rough things that have been happening, but God keeps proving to me that He has my back and that I have nothing to fear, because He will fight my battles for me.

I know I say this every time, but I love my kids. They make me so happy. I was talking with one of the SM’s here and we were trying to figure out who loved who more, the kids loving us, or we loving the kids. I only hope that I can make an eternal impact on them. God knows that I am more interested in winning them for the kingdom, them making sure that they can become the President, or some important person. I want them to see God in a different light, I want them to know that God is exciting and that He is interested in them, and wants to be part of their lives.

All the comments I get from them are hilarious. There is one boy, his name is Jaydon, and he is the most hilarious kid ever! He is the one that brightens up my day. The kids are just amazing, and I wish you all could meet them. Absalom, one of the older kids in the class, he also looks out for the younger ones, knew I was having a hard week after some of our teachers had to leave, he would follow me around and make sure that I had everything. One time I laid my head on the desk, while they were doing an assignment, and he looked at me and said, “Miss, it’s ok, you can take a nap. I will make sure they behave.” Little does he know that he showed me a better picture of unselfish love. God knew that they needed me, and that I needed them when I was to become a Missionary, and I thank God for that.

The Sm’s here celebrated Thanksgiving here with a huge meal, mainly consisting of deserts, but nonetheless it was amazing. We had such good conversations, and it is such a blessing to serve with this group of people.

As my family’s tradition is on Thanksgiving, we run in a 5k, but since I couldn’t run on Thanksgiving, because it was a school day, I ran one on Sunday, when we celebrated it. Lauren, another SM who is in to running, went for a run with me. It wasn’t quite a 5k, but it was just the fact that I was running.

The Internet has been lacking and so getting on and talking to my family has been a challenge. It was so nice to Skype with my family on Thanksgiving though. I got to talk to my brother, and Mom and Dad, Grandma, and Uncle. They also didn’t believe that the cockroaches could be so big, so they told me to go get one. Well, the hangout for cockroaches is our shower. I don’t know why, but I went in there and there was one that was probably 6 in long. I killed it and brought it back to show them. I think they believe me now.

Oh, and the Detroit Lions won against Green Bay on Thanksgiving, which was really nice to hear.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. God is working in my life so powerfully. I only pray that I will be receptive to the lessons he is trying to teach me. I always doubt that He knows what He is doing, but each time I have to come back to Him and apologize because He continually comes through for me, and reliance upon Him is such a necessity.

My students are gems, they have been bringing, and making so much for me. I have yet to receive a Lava lava from them, but that’s ok. (hint, hint) They know I love fruit, so they bring me food. One of the mothers always stops by the bakery and buys me cinnamon rolls, doughnuts, or sponge bread. They are delicious. They have been so good to me. This same mother invited me to a fundraiser for the Philippians and they were selling food to help benefit them. She paid for both me and one of the other SMs. She is a sweetheart. My girl students always bring me flowers, or drawings, or sweet cards. They are going to be so hard to say goodbye to.

There is an impact being made here on Yap. The group of SM’s we have here are devoted young people that love the Lord, and that love the people here on Yap. I feel like I could be doing so much more. I only pray that God will help me see what I could be doing.

While the students were trying to figure out my age, they thought they were tricking me by asking me what year I was born in, but alas, I caught them in their ploy, and instead told them I was born in 1964. They proceeded to do the math, and they figured that I would have to be 49 to which they exclaimed that I would be a grandma. Or that I wouldn’t be able to walk anymore if I was 49. I also got a, “Dude, your old!” They make me laugh. They also said that they would be writing a letter to my parents asking them how old I was. I told them that they probably wouldn’t remember, and they agreed since my parents had to be older then me.

We are having a week of prayer now, and I am praying that it will be a blessing to these kids and that they will know that God can and will give them second chances.

Continue to pray for us, as the devil is doing his best to discourage us, and bring us down, but we serve a mighty God, who won’t leave us.

I know a lot of you prayer for us, and that is so encouraging, whenever I get discouraged I think of all the people that are out there praying for us, and it lifts my spirits.

Quote of the day,

“Christians who gather up gloom and sadness to their souls, and murmur and complain, are giving to others a false representation of God and the Christian life. They give the impression that God is not pleased to have hid Children happy, and in this they bear false witness against our heavenly Father.”

So whatever you are going through now, remember that God has a plan for it, and that He won’t leave you. “In all things, give thanks…” god gave everything for us, so let’s give a true picture to the world of who God really is. Stay positive, and allow God to use you, even through the trials.